After chatting with some mothers of large families, I finally understood why people dislike them.
“I’m a mother of three, and people should understand my situation!”
“Madam, no one forced you to have that many children! Let go of my jumper!”
Irene had always believed the world owed her something. Shed been like this since university, long before she started a family. But the moment she had her first child, she lost all sense of reason.
One. Two. Three. She earned the title of a large-family mother, and off she went.
At first, Daisy thought Irene was suffering from “baby brain”or whatever its called when you lose all perspective after having kids. Suddenly, everyone around you is expected to bow down and cater to your every need.
“Can you believe it? I was standing in line with the kids, and no one let me go first!” Irene ranted during yet another catch-up with Daisy.
“Well, theyre not obliged to. Some people are exhausted from work, others have their own things to do…”
Irene cut her off before she could finish.
“Oh, nonsense! It wouldnt kill them to wait. What do they have to be tired about, anyway? They dont have three children!”
“Why do you assume only parents get tired?”
“Because I have three kids, so I know what Im talking about! But you wouldnt understandyouve never even had one!”
Irene was a real piece of work. She believed every womans duty was to have at least one childpreferably several. Those who thought differently drove her mad.
Daisy, on the other hand, had always been firm in her decision never to have children. Naturally, her friend couldnt fathom it.
Convincing Irene otherwise was impossible. Daisy simply wanted to live for herselftravel, build a career, learn new things.
Her husband fully supported her choice and didnt want children either. Yet Irene saw it as her duty to “fix” her friends misguided thinking.
“Youll be so much happier once you have a baby!”
“You dont understand because youre not a mother!”
“Whos going to look after you in old age if you dont have kids?”
Arguing was pointless, and Daisy didnt even bother.
Years later, when Irenes children were older, Daisy visited her. They spent the whole day chatting, and it was obvious Irene was starved for adult conversation. Lately, shed done nothing but drown in nappies and baby routines. Daisys husband often wondered what they could possibly talk about, but somehow, they found common ground.
“Irene, what do you want out of life? Once the kids are grownthen what?”
“What do you mean? Ill help them. Before I know it, therell be grandchildren!”
Daisy was taken aback but pressed on.
“And what about living for yourself?”
“Why? My life is for my children. Speaking of which, did you know we qualify for extra benefits now?”
Of course, Irene steered the conversation back to her favourite topic. She always did when faced with uncomfortable questions.
Eventually, Daisy grew embarrassed to be seen with her in publicespecially after one incident.
They went shopping, and Irene had to bring the kids along. She was determined to buy a new jumper while the sale was on. Daisy wandered off to browse, but hurried back when she heard shoutingand recognised Irenes voice.
To her horror, Irene was arguing with a strangerwho turned out to be Daisys colleagueover a jumper.
“Im a mother of threeyou should understand!”
“Madam, nobody made you have that many! Let go of my clothes!”
Daisy rushed over. “Irene, stop this! Everyones staring. Have some shame for the kids sake.”
Her colleague gave her a knowing look. “Daisy I never realised you associated with people like this.”
That moment, Daisy realised Irene wasnt just embarrassing herselfshe was dragging her down too.
As the saying goes, “Tell me who your friends are, and Ill tell you who you are.” And this wasnt the first time Irene had pulled something like this.
Afterwards, Daisy distanced herself. She didnt have the heart to cut ties completelythere hadnt been a real fightbut she couldnt stand Irenes insufferable attitude anymore.
Excuses like work piling up kept them apartuntil Irene decided to pick a fight herself. Bored without drama, she showed up at Daisys one evening, launching into accusations out of nowhere.
“You owe me an explanation!”
“For what?”
Daisy braced herself for complaints about her avoiding her, but Irenes grievance was absurd.
“I saw your sister with her baby yesterday.”
“And?”
“Her daughter was wearing that designer snowsuit. The exact one I saw at your place.”
“I dont follow.”
“You shouldve given it to us, not her!”
Daisy felt the ground drop beneath her. Irene genuinely believed she had the right to dictate who Daisy gifted things to?
“Irene, dont you think youre overstepping? Maybe Ill decide who gets what?”
“What? Your sister has one childshe can afford nice things! Ive got three and cant splurge on designer clothes. I need it more!”
What Irene really needed was a reality check. But reasoning with her was futile. She kept shoutingthis time in Daisys own homeuntil she was thrown out. She continued screeching in the hallway, forcing Daisy to apologise to the neighbours in the buildings group chat later.
Irene, of course, never apologised to anyone. According to mutual friends, she only got worse.
Ten years passed.
The former friends never spoke again. Daisy and her husband moved abroad, visiting only occasionally to see family.
One day, walking through the park where she and Irene used to meet, Daisy spotted her.
“Fancy seeing you here! I thought youd left the country for good.”
“Just visiting for the week. How are you? How are the kids?”
Irene gestured to the pram. Shed recently had her fourth.
“Congratulations! Im happy for you.”
“Thanks. Though I see theres nothing to congratulate you for. Still no kids, and youre 38 now”
Irene gave her a once-over. Daisy was stylishly dressed; Irene looked frumpy.
“Oh, I wouldnt say that. Weve built a thriving business abroadeverythings going exactly as we planned.”
“But youre still childless.”
“We just have different priorities.”
Irene would never grasp that motherhood wasnt everyones purposeor that having kids didnt entitle her to the worlds deference.
If anything, age had made her bolder.
“Ooh, nice handbag! Whered you get it?”
“I bought it.”
“Hmm I could use one like that.”
“Why?” Daisy asked, baffled.
“Youve got money to spareone bag wont break you. Im a motherI deserve to look nice too!”
“Go earn it yourself!”
“How? Im on maternity leave! Oh, rightyou wouldnt understand. Youve never even had one!”
Irenes shouts followed Daisy long after she walked away. The woman would never learn: no one owed her anything.
Choosing to have children was her decision. If she couldnt afford nice things, maybe she shouldve thought about that sooner.
These days, it seemed trendyhave kids first, fret about money later. Then demand handouts, even from those who owed her nothing.
But then again, Daisy could never measure up to Irene. They simply had different goalsand very different ways of moving through the world.
