“You’re the reason I don’t have a family!” shouted my niece as she stormed out of the flat.
“Aunt Nadine, have you ever regretted not having children?” asked Alice suddenly, setting down her half-finished cup of tea.
Nadine Whitmore flinched at the unexpected question. Her niece had come to visit after months apart, and theyd been chatting pleasantly about work, the weatherthen this.
“What a strange thing to ask, Alice dear,” she replied carefully, straightening the lace doily on the table. “Life turns out how it turns out. Not every woman needs to be a mother.”
“But isnt it sad? Living alone…” Alice studied her aunts face, tracing every wrinkle with her gaze.
Nadine gave an uneasy laugh. Outside, an October drizzle tapped against the window, but the flat was warm and cosy. She always kept things tidy, especially when family visitedthough there wasnt much family left. Just Alice, her late brothers daughter.
“Why do you ask? Is everything alright with you and Daniel?” Nadine tried steering the conversation back to her niece. Alice had been seeing the young man for three years, and Nadine had hoped for a wedding soon.
“We broke up,” Alice said flatly, turning to the window. “A month ago.”
“Oh, love! Why didnt you tell me? I could have”
“Could have what?” Alice whipped around. “Pitied me? Sympathised? Told me there are plenty more fish in the sea?”
There was a sharpness in Alices voice Nadine had never heard before. Shed always been a quiet, polite girlfirst a shy schoolgirl, then a studious university student, now a successful accountant at a top firm. Nadine had always been proud.
“Alice, whats happened to you? Youre not yourself today.”
“Not myself?” Alice stood abruptly, pacing the room. “And what should I be? Smiling all the time, pretending everythings fine? Acting like thirty-two is fine when my love lifes a wasteland?”
Nadine watched, bewildered, as Alice stopped by the old dresser lined with family photos. She picked up one of thema much younger Alice beside a still-youthful Nadine.
“I was seven when Mum and Dad died in that crash,” Alice said quietly, not turning around. “Remember when I came to live with you?”
“Of course, love. We got through it together.” Nadine stood, meaning to comfort her, but Alice stepped away.
“Got through it? I didnt understand then. I thought it was temporarythat theyd come back, and Id go home.”
“Alice, why bring this up now? We talked about it”
“We never talked!” Alice snapped. “You decided everything for me! Decided Id live with you, that it was best!”
Nadine felt something tighten inside. Could Alice really have forgotten how hard it was back then? Twenty-eight, freshly divorced, her career in tattersand suddenly a child in her care.
“Alice, I was young too. I mightve made mistakes, but I tried”
“Tried?” Alice laughed bitterly. “You know how you tried? You locked me in this flat! No clubs, no hobbies, no friends!”
“Thats not true! You had school friends”
“What friends? You said every day, Why bother with people? Homes safer. Why join the drama club? Waste of time. Why dance lessons? Waste of money.”
Nadine sank into her chair. She remembered those years differentlyshed been protecting Alice from bad influences, from trouble.
“I wanted to keep you safe”
“Safe?” Alice set the photo down hard. “From what? From life? From learning how to be around people?”
“Dont say that. You grew up finegot an education”
“Yes! And now I cant talk to men! Cant flirt, cant be lighthearted! You made me just like youclosed-off, afraid of everything!”
The words stung worse than a slap. Nadine had always thought herself careful, sensiblenot a coward.
“Alice, I know youre upset about Daniel”
“This isnt about Daniel!” Alice cried. “Hes the fourth! Fourth man Ive driven away because I dont know how to be open! At the first problem, I hidejust like you taught me!”
Nadine sat silent, throat tight.
“And you know what he said when he left?” Alice continued. “Youre like a ghost. You exist, but youre not alive. Work, telly, sleep. No interests, no passion. You dont even want sexjust to be left alone.”
“Alice!” Nadine gasped. Such talk always embarrassed her.
“Whattoo honest? Well, try living it!” Alice pressed her forehead to the cold windowpane. “All my friends are married. They have kids. I sit alone at night wonderingwhats wrong with me?”
“Nothings wrong, love”
“Yes, there is!” Alice turned sharply. “And Ive realisedIm just like you! Repeating your life!”
“My life?”
“Yes! You were never happy either! Even married to Uncle Simon, you never spoke up! He did what he liked, and you swallowed it!”
Nadine clenched her fists. The truth about her failed marriage hurtbut how could Alice understand? Shed been so young.
“You dont know what youre talking about,” Nadine whispered.
“I do! I lived here! I heard him shout, heard you cry! And when he left for that secretary, you didnt even fight!”
“Why would I? If he wanted to go”
“Exactly! You gave up! And you taught me to give up toonever stand out, never ask for more!”
Alice paced like a caged animal.
“And then I grew up and realisedIm just like you. Afraid of men, afraid of love, afraid of being left. And guess what? They do leave! Because Im boring!”
“Alice, listen”
“No, you listen!” She stopped dead. “You stole my childhood! Stole my youth! Made me as miserable as you!”
“I gave you everything”
“Like what? This flat?” Alice gestured wildly. “These faded walls, these doilies, this graveyard quiet?”
Nadine stood, offended. The flat was her prideclean, cosy, tasteful.
“This is my home. Our home.”
“Your home is a prison!” Alice shouted. “A prison for spinsters!”
Nadine paled. “How dare you?”
“I dare! Because Im done pretending Im the grateful niece you raised out of charity!”
“Not charity! Youre family!”
“Family?” Alice sneered. “Then why did you never ask what I wanted? Why decide everything for me?”
“You were a child”
“I was a child at seven! What about fourteen? Eighteen? Twenty-five? To you, Ill always be a child who cant be trusted with her own life!”
Tears pricked Nadines eyes. Had she been so wrong all these years? Had care become control?
“I didnt meanI thought”
“Thought what? What were you thinking when you made me break up with Andrew at uni? Remember him?”
Nadine did. Tall, handsome, always waiting for Alice after lectures. Shed thought him flighty, unreliable.
“He wasnt serious”
“Not serious? He loved me! Proposed! And you said I was too young, needed to finish school, get a job”
“I wanted you independent”
“Independent?” Alice laughed wildly. “I still ask your permission for everything! Still need your opinion on every choice! How can I be independent when you never let me try?”
Nadine sank back into the chair, dizzy with memories. She had always believed she knew what was best.
“Andrew married that same year,” Alice said softly. “Three kids now. I see him sometimes. He asks how I amand pities me.”
“Alice”
“Know the worst part?” Alice sat opposite her. “Ive started copying you in relationships. Cant speak up, cant say noI just adapt, like you always did.”
“I tried to be good”
“Being good isnt being happy!” Alice burst into tears. “Im thirty-two, Aunt Nadine! Thirty-two! And Im still a girl too scared to live!”
Nadine reached for her, but Alice pulled away.
“Dont pity me. Just tell me honestlydid you ever consider what you were doing to me? That I might want things? Have my own mind?”
Silence stretched. Outside, dusk deepened. Neither turned on the light.
“I thought I was protecting you,” Nadine whispered at last. “From pain, from mistakes”
“From life,” Alice said. “And now I dont know how to live one.”
“Alice, its not too late”
“It is!” She stood
