It shouldve been Valerie I married! She was always so trim, well-kept, and younger than you. Im still in my prime, and here I am with an old wife Whats got you thinking of Valerie Sidgwick? Seen her somewhere? Shes no use for you nowmarried a brigadier, living the high life
Margaret was frying pancakes for her husbands breakfasthis favourite. Hed wake soon, and theyd be ready, hot, with clotted cream.
“Marg! Where are my trousers?”
Awake, then. She set the pan aside and went to the bedroom, where his voice barked.
“Colin, I put them in the washthey were filthy. Here, wear these.”
“Filthy? When did I even get them dirty? Youre always meddling!”
“If I didnt, youd wear them for a month without a care! Stop fussing. Here, clean ones”
“Ugh! I hate thesetoo tight, too stiff! Go wash my proper ones!”
“I am washing them, no need to shout. Go wash up and eat. The pancakes are on the table.”
Colin stomped to the loo. Margaret poured his tea, two sugars, just as he liked. A dollop of cream in a dish.
“Blast it, stinks of frying in here! Nothing better to do?”
“I made them for you, Colin. Whats got into you? Wrong side of the bed?”
He ate in sullen silence.
“Teas scalding! Couldnt let it cool? Ahburnt my tongue! And these pancakes are rubbery. Shouldve just done toast with marmalade.”
“Dont be daft. Theyre lovely, same as always. Eat upyou dont need more toast, not with that belly”
“Oh, my bellys the problem now? Whens the last time you looked in the mirror? Gone to seed! And that grey hairwhy not dye it? Look half your age!”
Margaret stared, stung. Hed never spoken to her like this. What had come over him?
“Colin, mind your tongue! Ive always been plumpsince when did it bother you? And I wont dye my hairallergies, you know that. Health comes first. Im not a girl anymoresixty next year!
“That gut of yours is from ale, not my cooking. I make lean meals. More walking, less tellythats what you need.”
“It shouldve been Valerie! She kept herself up. Younger, too. Im still fit, and what do I have? An old nag”
“Why bring up Valerie Sidgwick now? Seen her, have you? Shes not pining for youmarried well, no kids, no worries. Lived for pleasure.
“We raised a fine son, didnt we? Made his own way, helps us still. Grandchildren, toowhat more could we want?”
“Easy for you to say! Valerie fancied me oncepractically threw herself at me”
“When? Oh, pull the other one!”
“Back then It happened.”
“And whatd you say?”
“What could I say? Im a man. Didnt want to hurt her feelings. Lovely, she was. Not like you.
“Mum warned meDont marry Margaret, shes plain and older. Shouldve listened. Now Im stuck with a frump who cant even butter toast right!”
“Let Valerie butter your toast, then! Couldnt say no, could you? Led you on, I suppose
“Why stay with me all these years, if Im such a burden? Im only three years older!”
“Dunno. Retired now, and it hits mewasted years. Dull as dishwater. Plenty of women fancied mebut no, home I went, to you, to the boy. And you never appreciated it!”
“Didnt appreciate you? Always put you and Simon firstwent without so youd have enough. When did I ever ask for money? Look at your wardrobemines all bargains, saved every penny.
“Saved for the car, didnt I? That inflatable boat you boughtgathering dust now. Fishing gear, gadgetsdid I complain?”
“Saved? Dont make me laugh. And your cookings foul. Nothing like MumsGod rest her.”
“Colin, was it really so awful, all these years? Cant you say one kind word? Whats got into you? Are you ill?”
“Youre the ill one! EnoughIll watch the news. And there was Tamara, too. Long ago, but it happened. You were at your mothers
“Oh, Tamara was wildnot like you. Always sickly, pills, clutching your chest. Some life Ive had”
Margaret untied her apron and stepped outside. The air was sharp, her chest tight.
So hed strayed. And shed never guessed. All those years, happy as houses.
Married for love, vows exchanged, a good lifeand now this. A rotten wife, apparently. How could she face such cruelty?
Hed begged her to marry him, gone down on one knee. Shed loved him all her life, bent over backwardsand hed loved her, though the words had dried up. But never spite like this.
“Tamara Valerie How could he?”
Shed never let another man close, though thered been chancesa colleague once, an old school friend at thirty-five. Ive loved you forever, hed said. Leave himIll take you and the boy.
Shed sent him packing. Proposing such a thing to a married woman!
And her cookingSimon and Colin had devoured her pies, stews, puddings. What did this mean? The truth at lifes end?
“Colin, Colin I gave you everything.”
She wandered the lane, chasing dark thoughts. Her cheeks were wet, though she hardly noticed. The pain of his betrayal gnawed.
Inside, Colin ate the last pancake, slathered in cream, washing it down with tea. The telly droned.
He was in a foul mood. A bad dreamMargaret leaving on a train, laughing as it pulled away. It had festered, that anger.
Waking, hed aimed it all at her. His head throbbedtoo much ale with the lads last night.
Mick kept topping him up for a proper send-off. No wonder he was seething. Wrong side of the bed indeed.
A sharp rap at the window. He lurched up, nearly upending the table. At the door stood Mrs. Doyle from next door.
“Colinits Margaret! Come quick!”
“What? Whats happened?”
“Just follow!”
He grabbed his shirt and ran, the door swinging open behind him.
“Mrs. Doyle, tell me!”
“Youll see.”
She led him to the little park down the lane. An ambulance idled by a bench.
“That womanis she yours?” the medic asked.
“YesMargaret, my wife! Whats?”
“Gone, Im afraid. Called it in, but she was already Any heart trouble?”
“Gone? But she just stepped out! Sheshe had pills, angina”
“Stress can trigger it. Any upset today?”
“No, she was fine.”
“Well take her for examination. Leave your details.”
Colin stumbled home, numb. No memory of the walk, of Mrs. Doyles words. Margaret was gone. And it was his fault.
Why had he said those things? Why? Thered been no other womennever even glanced.
Loved only herplump, grey, wrinkled, in that floral apron. Warm, familiar. Loved her, but never said.
How would he live alone? None of it was true, Margaret! Your cookings grand, Simons a good lad, we had a good life.
How could his words have killed her? Hed known her heart was weakbut this?
A womans heart is fragile. When had he last said something kind? Couldnt recall.
Yet shed always smiled, cheered him, fed him, mended his clothes. Kept him whole.
What had his cruelty done? Burned away every good thing.
And that damned dreamone thing led to another. What would he tell Simon? The grandkids? How to go on? A wicked tongues work.
Colin paced like a madman. Too late now. Margaret was gone. His Maggie, his love.
Shed dreamed of the seasidenever been. A cruise someday. The grandchildrens weddings. Now none of it would happenbecause of him.
He crumpled onto the bed, sobbing.
“Colin, wake up! Lunch is readysleeping the day away!”
He blinked. Margaret stood over him
