When Natasha picked up little Dennis from nursery, her husband Gary immediately sensed something was off. You didn’t need glasses to see his wife was in a peculiar state of agitation.
“Something wrong, love?” Gary asked, now equally concerned.
“Oh, Gary, you’ve no idea,” she grabbed his arm and steered him into the next roomwell out of earshot. “We might get kicked out of nursery!”
“What?” Gary’s face went slack. “How? We pay the fees on time!”
“I don’t know if it’s allowed or not, but the headmistress told mein no uncertain termsthat if we dont get our son under control, hell be out faster than a cork from a champagne bottle.”
“Those exact words?”
“Word for word. She took me aside, whispered it, but crystal clear. Oh, and she mentioned other parents are drafting a group complaint. To the authorities.”
“Youre joking!” Gary stared at her, baffled. Their sweet, cheerful boy? What on earth could he have done? “Whats the complaint about?”
“Because Dennis keeps hitting the other children.”
“Our Dennis?” Gary nearly laughed but caught himself. “That little shrimp? Hes beating up kids?”
“Yes! Whacking them left and right, apparently!”
“Even the girls?”
“How should I know?” Natasha snapped. “I didnt stick around for details! The moment I heard, I nearly fainted. I scooped Dennis up and bolted home. Gary, if they expel him, what do we do? Where do we send him? Ill have to quit my job! Or you will! And then how do we pay the mortgage? Im losing my mind here”
“Hold your horses, love!” Gary rubbed his temples. “First, lets figure out whats got into our son.”
“I asked him on the way home, but he clammed up. Just puffed his cheeks out and sulked.”
“Well, you asked. Now its my turn.”
Gary marched into the playroom, where Dennis was happily vrooming toy cars across the carpet as if nothing was amiss.
“Right, Dennis. Serious chat,” Gary said firmly.
“Mhm,” Dennis mumbled, not looking up. “Go on, Dad.”
“Stop playing first.”
“Gary, dont bark at him!” Natasha hissed from the doorway.
“Yeah, Dad, dont bark,” Dennis parroted, still rolling his car.
Gary took a steadying breath. “Tell us, honestlywhy are you hitting kids at nursery?”
Dennis froze, the car hovering mid-air. He glanced guiltily at his shoes.
“Youre hitting girls too?”
“No,” Dennis mumbled. “Girls are boring. Nothing to hit them for.”
“So the boys deserve it?”
“Loads.”
“And whys that, if you dont mind sharing?”
Dennis scowled at his parents. “What if its a secret?”
The look he gave them was so wounded, Gary almost felt bad. Almost.
“Listen, mate. Youre my son, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Then no secrets between us.”
“With you, fine,” Dennis grumbled. “But Mum…”
“What?” Natasha gasped. “You keep things from me?”
“Mhm.”
“Why?”
“Cos theyre bloke stuff.”
“Ah, bloke stuff.” Gary winked at Natasha. “Sorry, love, but if its proper mens business, best leave us to it.”
Natasha huffed but retreated, shooting Gary a look that promised payback.
“And no eavesdropping!” Gary called after her. He turned back to Dennis, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “Alright, soldier. Spillwhy the fisticuffs?”
Dennis sighed dramatically, then muttered at the floor, “They keep cuddling her.”
“Whos cuddling who?”
“The boys. At nursery.”
“And whos her?”
“Miss Thompson.”
“The teaching assistant?” Gary blinked.
Dennis nodded miserably. “She pats their heads, and they hug her. Really tight.”
“And?”
“I dont like it.”
Garys eyebrows shot up. “Why not?”
“Cos only I should hug her.”
“Says who?”
“Dad.” Dennis gave him a withering look. “Youre the only one who hugs Mum! Well, and me, but Im her son. Other blokes dont get to!”
“But Mums my wife,” Gary said, fighting a grin.
“Miss Thompsons gonna be mine,” Dennis whispered fiercely. “When Im grown up. Im marrying her.”
“Ohhh.” Gary bit his cheek hard. “So youve got a crush on Miss Thompson, eh?”
Dennis nodded, lower lip wobbling.
“And youre jealous.”
“You get jealous of Mum!” Dennis shot back.
“Me? Never!”
“Yeah, you do! You and Mum argue about it all the time.”
Gary ran a hand through his hair. “Blimey, son. Looks like youve inherited the family curse. My dad was the same. Grandad too. Weve all suffered with it.”
“Suffered?”
“Oh yeah. Jealousys nasty business. But heres the rubif you keep walloping those lads, nursery will boot you out.”
“Dont care! Shes mine!”
“Except if youre expelled, youll never see her again. Banned for life.”
Dennis paled. “Never?”
“Afraid so. Look, I get it. But clobbering kids isnt the way. Women choose who they hug, not us.”
“But she doesnt choose! She hugs everyone!”
Gary sighed. “Its her job, mate. Shes required to hug each kid at least twice a day.”
“Required?”
“Absolutely! Doesnt she hug you?”
“Yeah…”
“There you go. Rules say she must hug the others too. Stop, and shed get sacked. Then poofno more Miss Thompson.”
Dennis chewed his lip. “So shes only doing it cos she has to?”
“Dead serious. Company policy.”
“Really, really?”
“Cross my heart.”
Dennis perked up slightly. “Alright. She can hug them then.” He paused. “Does she have to kiss them too?”
Gary nodded solemnly. “Afraid so.”
Dennis heaved a world-weary sigh. “What a rubbish job. Fine. Maybe I wont marry her after all.”
From that day on, the headmistress never complained about Dennis again.
